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Idiot:  a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age of less than three years old and an intelligence quotient under 25.

      How does one deal with an idiot without stooping to said idiots level? It’s not easy, my friends.  I have been working in a corporate environment for 15 years and one would think that at my ripe age of 32 and my ample experience, that I would have all of the answers on how to deal with people.  The truth is, I am just as clueless now as I was 15 years ago.

      I have learned the following and I will share it with you, in hopes that you all can benefit from my pearls of wisdom:

1.  I have learned that no matter how loud you scream, people do not listen.  There is a certain level of bureaucracy in every corporate environment that comes along with the job.  You can’t fight it.  You can’t beat it.  It’s JUST the way it is.  No sense in losing sleep over it.

2.  I have learned that the key to success in life is simple; Control your anger and you shall receive the keys to the kingdom.  The first time you flip out, you will be instantly labeled “the irrational employee who cannot be managed.”  Once you have that label, no amount of hard work or gold stars will ever take that away.

3.  I have learned that first impressions are EVERYTHING in this environment.  You have to walk the walk, talk the talk and impress the shit out of people when you first meet them.  You never get a second chance for a first impression… well said.

4.  I have learned that a charming personality and a can-do attitude will propel you to amazing heights.  It does not even matter if you can do the job they hired you for, just as long as you can make them laugh and charm them, that is ALL anyone remembers (besides me, of course.  I always remember when someone sucks, no amount of charm will change my mind.)

5.  It’s a mans world.  Period.  However, if you have big tits, a round ass and a million dollar smile, you can make that man give you anything you want, without having to DO anything but be friendly and give him a glimmer of hope.  Men are pathetic, sorry boys, but it’s true.

6.  I have learned that women HATE me and for no good reason.  While I am quite the piece of ass, I am no Angelina Jolie.  I spent years trying to understand this phenomenon, and stressed myself out beyond any sense of normalcy.  It has taken me 15 years to figure it out and its so simple, it actually hurts.  Women are raging bitches.  It is just who WE are.  We work on power and that power, unfortunately, stems from our vaginas.  When we are near another woman who may have more “power” than us, we revert back to cave-women fighting for power amongst ourselves.  It’s incredibly sad, but true.  The only way a woman can overcome these primal instincts is to be chock full of confidence.  Then and ONLY then can they feel comfortable around other women.  I am happy to say that most times I AM that confident, however, I do have my moments.

7.  I have learned that most people in “charge” have NO idea what they are doing.  They most likely wake up every morning, look at themselves in the mirror and marvel at the fact that they have managed to snow the right people for so long.  I am sure they are just as shocked as you are that they actually have corporate clout.

      Once you have learned all of these things, you can actually begin to function as a normal, well-rounded and happy employee of “the man.”  Trust me, it takes a lot of practice and I still have a long, hard road ahead of me.  However, I am happy to know that in 2-3 years I will be off to Medical School and then 4 years after that, I will have a whole new set of politics to learn and discover as a Doctor working in a hospital.

     It’s a vicious circle. . .