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As I get older I realize how important GOOD friends are.  I also realize how difficult it is to really find good friends in your 30’s.

There is a group of girls that I have been friends with since Jr. High School.  We did everything together as kids and then, sadly, we kind of grew apart.  The “crew” consisted of Amanda, Angela, Gina, April, Chantal, Christine, Nicole, Rosanne, Virginia, Veronica and of course, myself.  Our lives seemed so dramatic then, every little ‘disaster’ impossible to surpass.  In retrospect, we were just kids!  What seemed so dramatic and terrible was actually really simple.  Little did we know that the simple fact of growing up would be so much more difficult.

Amanda and I were friends and next door neighbors since the age of 8.  We were inseprable.  Somehow as we got older, I went a completely different direction from her.  While she was still going to school and staying out of trouble, I was doing drugs and drinking.  We remained friends, just not BEST friends.  Many years passed us by and we would randonly speak for awhile and then I’d do what I do best and disappear.

Recently, we started talking again.  I could not be happier.  It is such a breath of fresh air to have a friend who is so inspirational, intelligent, down to earth and “together”.   While I love every one of my friends dearly, sometimes the drama in their lives, combined with the drama in my life is just too much to bear.

She recently married another childhood friend of ours, “Froggie”.  While I was shocked to hear the news at first, after spending time with them I realize that they are perfect for each other.  The wedding was in Jamaica on June 1st.  Here is a photo of us as kids:

Angela moved to Florida when we were still really young.  She also had a baby when she was 16, named Rockelle.  Although she lived far away, we still remained good friends.  We do not speak as much as I’d like, but when we do it’s like we never missed a beat. 

Gina and I are still the best of friends and have remained very close after these 17 years.  She recently got married and is now pregnant with her first child. 

Chantal moved to PA.  However, before that we kind of lost touch during high school as she went to a different school than the rest of us.  I found her on myspace a few years back and we chat from time to time, but I have not seen her since we were 16 years old.  I need to change that and soon.  She also had a baby girl.  Gina, Angela and Chantal:

Christine “Voodoo” moved to South Florida a few years back and started up her own clothing line.  She is undeniably gorgeous, successfull and happy.  I must say that I never doubted any of that for a second as Christine was and will always be my one crazy smart, motivated and fabulously fashionable trendsetter friend.  🙂  Love her.

Nicole stayed in Brooklyn.  We did go our seperate ways and lost touch for awhile, but recently reunited.  She looks great and is happy.  She is so different than she was when we were little.  She grew up to be taller and tougher than me!  In Jr. High School she was so tiny and shy!  It’s funny, but great.

Rosanne and I remained friends for a LONG time.  We stopped speaking on New Years Eve of 2001.  The reason for that is while I loved her dearly and still do, I always felt like I was never “good” enough by her standards.  Recently, I contacted her to try again in hopes that with age comes acceptance.  I must have called her while I was blacked out drunk on Halloween and made plans with her that I did not remember and since I did not remember making them, I did not keep them.  We wound up having a fight over email during which she reconfirmed my original reasons for severing the friendship 5 years eariler.  She said that all we ever really had in common was drugs and raves.  That hurt, considering that we were friends since the 3rd grade and I seriously doubt that “drugs and raves” were common for 3rd graders.  It’s OK, sometimes when we are angry we say things we do not mean.  I am very sad that we could not work it out, but I try not to think about it much.  I wish her happiness.

Veronica had a child when she was 17 years old.  I remember yelling at her to get an abortion because she was so young.  She basically told me to go fuck myself and had the child anyway.  Thank God for that because in December of 2000 Veronica passed away from Cervical Cancer.  Her death was not easy for her.  She first found out she had cancer about a year or two before and went through chemo and radiation.  She went into remission.  After seeing a second Doctor, she was told that she should probably consider a hysterectmy just in case there was any remaining cancer cells.  She did not want to do that, she was only 24 years old.  Some time went on and she started to get sick, she went to the Doctor and by then it was too late.  The cancer had spread to her lungs, brain, etc.  She became terminal.  She tried to contact me and I being the selfish asshole that I was, was living in Florida and did not return any phone calls or letters.  6 months after she died, I called her house and asked to speak with her.  I was given the news that she had passed.  My heart literally stopped.  Since then I have had recurring nightmares about her.  I have never in my life felt as guilty about anything as I have about Veronica and I probably never will.  Maria, Veronica, Me, Angela and April:

Virginia is Veronica’s older sister and just happens to be my exact age.  When we met we had a lot in common and became fast friends.  Unfortunately, when I moved to Florida I also alienated her.  I regret doing that as well.  She is a GREAT girl.  She moved to Maryland and married a wonderful guy.  She has two gorgeous sons with him.  Recently, they moved back to NY State and hopefully, I will be seeing her sometime this summer.

Lifelong friends are hard to find, when you do you should hold on to them.  I don’t know what I would do without any of the above mentioned girls.  They are my heart. 🙂