Tag Archives: Weight loss

My Adventures With The Master Cleanse

I am in the midst of my 3rd MC fast, and I am a big believer in fasting for numerous reasons…

#1 – It is good to push yourself to insane limits. Just when you think you can’t go anymore, something drives you to push through. There is nothing more humbling then depriving yourself of a basic need. It teaches you a whole new level of discipline and perseverance. It makes you tougher. It’s a lot like running or skating (both of which I do a lot of), just when you feel like you’ll collapse from exhaustion, you reach deep down and pull motivation out of nowhere, and when you’re finished, it is the greatest feeling EVER.

#2 – It’s healthy to give your digestive system a rest from solids every now and then. Your body works very hard every day to rid itself of toxins you breathe, eat, and drink. Your organs literally go on overtime to process all of that shit, then you pile a bunch of shitty food on top of it and wahlah! Here comes the lack of energy, lack of focus, and plain old depression. At least for me. When I fast, after day 4, I feel like a whole new person! Not only do I lose extreme amounts of weight rather quickly (I can lose up to 15 lbs in 7 days!), my skin glows, my hair shines, my body gets tighter, my eyes clearer, I focus better and I have all kinds of energy.

#3 – It’s like a “do-over” for your body. If you are currently addicted to anything, i.e., cigarettes, alcohol, sugar, carbs, or anything not great for you, a fast will quickly rid you of that and allow you start over – fresh!

So, today is Day 5 of my 3rd MC and I feel GREAT. I am handling this go-around way better then I handled the last one, which was the beginning of January. So far, in this round, I have dropped 7 lbs. and I am not even hungry! The January fast yielded a total of 22 lbs dropped, and a renewed sense of motivation! I wound up gaining back only 4-5 lbs when I went back to food.

While I have never been “fat,” I did gain a bit more weight than I should have after some medical complications back in September of 2011, when I put on 35 lbs in a very short period due to a couple of rounds of chemotherapy injections that made me retain water and literally swell! Of course, me being the “Polish Princess of Darkness” I could not get the weight loss side-effect. lol. At a mere 5’4” tall and a very petite, small frame – I should never weigh more than 120 (tops!) and I was pushing 150 for a minute there. #nothot

Anyways, the MC is basically a fast where you drink the following recipe:

Per 8 oz of water –

2 Tbsp GRADE B ORGANIC Maple Syrup

2 Tbsp ORGANIC fresh squeezed lemon juice

1/10 tsp of Cayenne pepper

How much are you supposed to drink? Divide your body weight by 2, and that’s how many oz you should consume at a minimum on a daily basis.

On top of that, you should either drink a laxative tea every night before bed, or upon waking in the am mix 1 pint of lukewarm spring water with 2 tbsp of NATURAL SEA SALT (no other kind of salt!) and drink that down quickly. Yes, it’s horrible and I opt for the tea and only do the Salt Water Flush on the weekends. Stay close to a bathroom, kids because 20 minutes after you finish that you literally piss out of your ass for 2 straight hours. Gross? Maybe… but you feel amazing when it’s all over (besides a burning asshole – buy baby wipes!) and it really speeds up the detoxification and weight loss process.

Some side-effects that I have noticed:

  • Raging headaches for the first 4 days
  • Your bum burns from the cayenne pepper your ingesting (yes, I am serious)
  • Fatigue for the first 3 days
  • Pale for the first 3 days (And I am almost alabaster as it is)
  • I get chest pains on the right side. I saw a doc about it, it’s nothing. Just stress in my case.
  • My TMJ is terrible for the first 3 days. I walk around with my jaw locked. After day 4? Relaxation city!
  • You piss like a racehorse every 20 minutes.

That’s about it. In short, I love it and how it makes me feel. Who needs food?

OK, well I do. I love to cook it, eat it and enjoy it. I do this once per quarter, though, for about 10-15 days each time. Y’all should try it! If you have the willpower to do it, it’s worth it! You feel accomplished, healthy, look amazing, etc.

Now I leave you with my favorite training montage! Rocky motivates me to get ripped, man. I am back in the gym – HARDCORE – tomorrow. Gotta get in sick shape, fix this damaged knee, and get my ass on skates again. I have speed records to SHATTER.

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