dimentra dot com
A perfectly planned life, will imperfectly unfold
Author Archives: Gloryangelina
My Adventures With The Master Cleanse
I am in the midst of my 3rd MC fast, and I am a big believer in fasting for numerous reasons…
#1 – It is good to push yourself to insane limits. Just when you think you can’t go anymore, something drives you to push through. There is nothing more humbling then depriving yourself of a basic need. It teaches you a whole new level of discipline and perseverance. It makes you tougher. It’s a lot like running or skating (both of which I do a lot of), just when you feel like you’ll collapse from exhaustion, you reach deep down and pull motivation out of nowhere, and when you’re finished, it is the greatest feeling EVER.
#2 – It’s healthy to give your digestive system a rest from solids every now and then. Your body works very hard every day to rid itself of toxins you breathe, eat, and drink. Your organs literally go on overtime to process all of that shit, then you pile a bunch of shitty food on top of it and wahlah! Here comes the lack of energy, lack of focus, and plain old depression. At least for me. When I fast, after day 4, I feel like a whole new person! Not only do I lose extreme amounts of weight rather quickly (I can lose up to 15 lbs in 7 days!), my skin glows, my hair shines, my body gets tighter, my eyes clearer, I focus better and I have all kinds of energy.
#3 – It’s like a “do-over” for your body. If you are currently addicted to anything, i.e., cigarettes, alcohol, sugar, carbs, or anything not great for you, a fast will quickly rid you of that and allow you start over – fresh!
So, today is Day 5 of my 3rd MC and I feel GREAT. I am handling this go-around way better then I handled the last one, which was the beginning of January. So far, in this round, I have dropped 7 lbs. and I am not even hungry! The January fast yielded a total of 22 lbs dropped, and a renewed sense of motivation! I wound up gaining back only 4-5 lbs when I went back to food.
While I have never been “fat,” I did gain a bit more weight than I should have after some medical complications back in September of 2011, when I put on 35 lbs in a very short period due to a couple of rounds of chemotherapy injections that made me retain water and literally swell! Of course, me being the “Polish Princess of Darkness” I could not get the weight loss side-effect. lol. At a mere 5’4” tall and a very petite, small frame – I should never weigh more than 120 (tops!) and I was pushing 150 for a minute there. #nothot
Anyways, the MC is basically a fast where you drink the following recipe:
Per 8 oz of water –
2 Tbsp GRADE B ORGANIC Maple Syrup
2 Tbsp ORGANIC fresh squeezed lemon juice
1/10 tsp of Cayenne pepper
How much are you supposed to drink? Divide your body weight by 2, and that’s how many oz you should consume at a minimum on a daily basis.
On top of that, you should either drink a laxative tea every night before bed, or upon waking in the am mix 1 pint of lukewarm spring water with 2 tbsp of NATURAL SEA SALT (no other kind of salt!) and drink that down quickly. Yes, it’s horrible and I opt for the tea and only do the Salt Water Flush on the weekends. Stay close to a bathroom, kids because 20 minutes after you finish that you literally piss out of your ass for 2 straight hours. Gross? Maybe… but you feel amazing when it’s all over (besides a burning asshole – buy baby wipes!) and it really speeds up the detoxification and weight loss process.
Some side-effects that I have noticed:
- Raging headaches for the first 4 days
- Your bum burns from the cayenne pepper your ingesting (yes, I am serious)
- Fatigue for the first 3 days
- Pale for the first 3 days (And I am almost alabaster as it is)
- I get chest pains on the right side. I saw a doc about it, it’s nothing. Just stress in my case.
- My TMJ is terrible for the first 3 days. I walk around with my jaw locked. After day 4? Relaxation city!
- You piss like a racehorse every 20 minutes.
That’s about it. In short, I love it and how it makes me feel. Who needs food?
OK, well I do. I love to cook it, eat it and enjoy it. I do this once per quarter, though, for about 10-15 days each time. Y’all should try it! If you have the willpower to do it, it’s worth it! You feel accomplished, healthy, look amazing, etc.
Now I leave you with my favorite training montage! Rocky motivates me to get ripped, man. I am back in the gym – HARDCORE – tomorrow. Gotta get in sick shape, fix this damaged knee, and get my ass on skates again. I have speed records to SHATTER.
As Quickly as it Comes, it Goes…
There are a couple of things in this world that quickly turn me off…
- Liars – the occasional white lie is one thing, but when most of life is based on an alternate reality you tell yourself so that you can sleep at night? I have no time for that.
- Inconsistency – if you feel a certain way, stick to it. Deal with it. Don’t flip-flop.
- Self-Centeredness – it’s not all about you. Hang up the enormous ego and look around. Sometimes other people exist.
It usually takes a lot of the above to piss me off enough to cut someone out of my life, but I notice that as I get older, I lose my patience. I simply do not have the time, nor energy it requires to placate you, and deal with your drama. YOU deal with your own drama, make your own decisions and be strong enough to express said decisions and thoughts without back-peddling and floundering. There is nothing more unattractive than a person who does that shit.
So, STOP, or fuck off.
Roller Derby Saved My Soul
Originally posted @ “The Diary of a Roller Girl” on tumblr.com – 8/2007
Where do I begin? I can start with my story, I guess, but the edited version. Not the one that makes you want to pull your eyes out of your head, or bury yourself under your blankets and sleep, but the one that may actually inspire you. Sort of like the story that inspired me a few years ago, but I won’t get into that now…
I am a 35 year-old chick living in NYC for pretty much my entire life, give or take short stints in Idaho, California, Arizona, Illinois, Hawaii, and Florida, I’ve always managed to come back to where I originally hail from – the insane and over-crowded metropolis of “Gotham City.” I can’t really say what constantly draws me back here, besides the amazing pizza, as NYC and I have come to the agreement that we are in a love/hate relationship. While her concrete sidewalks has provided me with immeasurable amounts of street smarts and more than my fair share of career luck, I have grown tired of her tourists, filth, cold winters and panicked lifestyles and long for a more serene, beautiful and warmer environment. I am proud of my city, however, and am in awe of it’s sheer madness on a daily basis.
I digress…
In my circle of friends, I have been known as the “party girl.” The one who gets everyone together, makes the plans, stays out all night, throws crazy parties, loves to throw back a cocktail or 7 and never, ever wants to settle down. While all of my friends started having children the thought of growing a child of my own makes my ovaries shrivel in fear. I’m just not ready. I’ll never be “ready.”
I prefer to travel, drink delicious sangria on a Tuesday night, dance until my legs fall off, buy gorgeous outfits, change my hair color on a constant basis, indulge in many adult like activities, and get tattoo’ed more often than I should. There is just no room for a child in a lifestyle like that, and the fact that I can admit that I do not posses that “baby gene” makes me a rarity in this world.
I had always been on the slender side, and never really worked out much. I was blessed in that regard, never weighing more than 115 lb. at 5’4”. I was also blessed with more than half of a brain and the gift of gab which can get me out of any situation I can find myself in, for the most part. On the other side of that, I was cursed with a raging temper and a fierce sense of loyalty to the people that I love the most. I will gouge your eyes out if you even attempt to screw with me or anyone in my circle, for that matter.
As I have grown a bit older, I have managed to control that rage of mine and have also noticed that being naturally slender is no longer in the cards for me. All of my years of drinking wine, sitting on the couch, partying all night long, and eating whatever I wanted are long gone. I now find myself a 35 year-old chick with a 135 lb body and a slew of health issues due to the aforementioned activities.
Years ago, while nursing a hangover, I came across a documentary about the Texas Roller Girls and literally fell in LOVE. I had a fire in me so hot that I could barely contain myself. I researched derby all over google and decided that I wanted to start my own league in Staten Island, NY. Needless to say, after some drama and lack of participation, it didn’t happen and the old habits got their way with me once again. I let a few more years slip by me and a few hundred more drinks slide down my throat and a few more pounds find their way to my ass.
When 2010 rolled around, and the big “3-5” was lurking nearby, I started to become antsy again. I had this need in me to do something with myself. I wanted to do something that not only challenged me physically, but was also beyond fun and a great outlet for my aggression, so I once again came upon Roller Derby.
I started skating in my old boot style “Chicago” skates at the local roller rink with some friends on Saturday nights. When I realized I was not as bad as I thought, I joined the Gotham Girls Roller Derby forums and yahoo training group and started reading about other girls and their experiences. At first, I did not post anything, as I was curious if girls my age were actually doing this, or if I were some kind of freak going through early-onset midlife crisis… Then the posts started pouring in and girls of all walks of life were setting up “skate dates” with each other. I was beyond excited and ran out and got myself a pair of Riedell R3 speed skates and protective gear and then…. I started posting.
I signed up for a class that met every Saturday morning in a playground in Brooklyn and the day it started I was so nervous I thought I would vomit. I got through it though, and not only was it amazing, it was quite possibly the best feeling I had ever had in my life. For the first time I was meeting girls who were a lot like me… tatted up party girls, misfits, girls who never really got along with other chicks and had mostly guy friends, girls my age, some even older… It was a sisterhood and a cool, bad ass one at that! Bonus – I was not only acquiring a skill, getting in shape, I was forming unbelievable friendships along the way.
This blog is going to be about my experiences with changing my lifestyle, getting off of my ass, getting into sick shape, quitting drinking so much, putting a hold on the insane partying, and training so hard that I feel like I am going to drop dead – all for the love of Roller Derby!
I am aiming high – not only am I starting this at 35, with minimal athletic experience, but I am training for and trying out for the most competitive league in the US – “Gotham Girls” of NYC.
I started training in April, but am now just getting around to the hardcore stuff like the gym and skating more often than I walk and plan on documenting every step along the way. Tryouts are November 20th and while I doubt I will make it this year, I will not quit and will keep going until I do make it. Wish me luck with that.
Besides, the bright-side is – I will have a killer set of stems and an awesome apple ass pretty soon. Right on!
Don’t mess with me! lol
Motivation
Dear Motivation,
I wanted to take a moment to thank you. You see, although you didn’t know it, the mere thought of you has changed my life. In a way, you have saved me from a deep abyss, where I had been drowning in my own sorrows for many years. It was almost as if I had been tossed down a well and left for dead. I clawed and scratched at the walls, but all it did was take part of me away – one fingernail at a time – and left me bleeding, angry and alone.
When I first found you, it was a small shining sliver of light escaping through the boards above me, reaching far down into my self-inflicted cave and giving me just a little bit of hope.
I abused myself down there. I beat myself down. I beat I my body down. I let myself go. I drowned myself in alcohol. I swam in a freezing pool of my own excrement, and the worst part of it was that I never saw anything wrong with it. I justified my actions, felt sorry for myself, chalked it up to “normal” and soothed myself with the fact that everyone around me was doing the same, therefore, it MUST be OK.
When I found you, I found something to look forward to. That sliver of light became thicker everyday, until it finally bathed me in it’s warmth and forced me to face myself and what I had been doing.
Cancer scares, breathing problems, severe allergies, depression, mood swings, uncontrollable anger, misery… how did I manage to survive like that for 4 years? How did I keep my friends? How did I pretend like everything was fine, when it sure as hell wasn’t? How did I hide this from my family?
When I found you, I found me. You gave me a reason to change. You gave me hope. You forced me out of that hole, I called an existence, and into the light again. You made me realize that not only am I am strong person, but that I was worth saving. You taught me that drowning out the pain is that old familiar “friend” that I always turn to because it’s easy. It’s an old groove in the record that is my life, and it takes a lot of you and a lot of strength to force that needle out of it and on to the next.
Since you slapped me with that icy hand of reality, I have slowly been feeling better and better. While every day brings with it some kind of hurdle, or pain, I can now deal with it in a healthier way. You have given me so much over the last 35 years, but in the last 5 months you have really pushed through and given me a new lease, and for that – I can never thank you enough.
Running has become my release. Skating has given me strength. With every weight lifted, another mental demon extinguished. I’m addicted to you, and how you make me feel. You’re like a drug, the perfect drug, and I cannot get enough of you…
Thank you for taking the time to save my life, over and over. Thank you for standing up to me and forcing me into the light. Thank you for giving me a reason to breathe again.
Don’t ever leave me…
Love always,
Glory
Reviews
A review of my old dimentra dot com site:
http://www.theweblogreview.com/review/2370/
I am in the process of revamping this site, and combining with my gloryangelina.com, which I pulled mostly everything down but the intro due to some annoyances that have recently come my way. The intro is also way old and outdated and plain old CHEESE. I will be redoing that as well.
I will be reposting soon, though! Hang tight, kids. 🙂
Control, and More of Life’s Oddities…
I have always been such a control freak. I want to control everything around me, from work, to finances, my health, the health of people I love, the way I react to things, my rage, my addictions, you name it and I have attempted to control it on some level.
There was always one aspect of my life that I could never control, however, and that is matters of the heart. I was/am always more free-spirited when it came to love, relationships, friendships. I guess I realized early on that you can’t control other people. Regardless of how much you love someone, they will always hurt you and let you down in some way. The only thing you can control is your reaction to said hurt and let downs. You can either choose to flip out, cry and ask why, or you can just accept it for what it is, keep your self-confidence intact and move on. Some people choose to stay, others choose to leave. It really doesn’t matter, because all that matters is how you feel when you’re around that person.
If you spend your time worrying about what they’ll do next, you lose sight of the bigger picture which is YOU. If you waste your energy thinking about how you can control their actions, you only spite yourself. One of two things will inevitably happen:
#1 – You forget who YOU are, and one day when that relationship is over the mourning will be worse because you lost yourself in the process. Not only do you need to extinguish this person from your life, you’ll need to find yourself again, which only makes the pain that much more unbearable.
Or, #2 – You will only succeed in pushing that person further away from you, because the reality is – no one likes or needs a person who lacks self-confidence. Self-confidence is undeniably sexy and what attracts most people to you in the first place. If you get wrapped up trying to control someone else, you only lose that allure.
Every day of my life is met with with a different lesson. I literally learn something new about myself before I lay my head down at night to go to sleep. This is my drive in life, this is what keeps me going. There is nothing more exciting than growing and evolving as a person! I have done things that I am not proud of. I have lied to people I love, I have hurt people in the process. Regardless of the rare lies that I tell, I genuinely try to live my life by being honest, no matter how difficult it may seem. Living a lie is actually more difficult because you live in constant fear and self-loathing. I don’t know about y’all, but I just can’t live like that. Some people force themselves to believe their own lies, and then end up swimming in a swamp of denial which to me, is a fate worse than death.
I have recently learned a very valuable lesson. I cannot control my own thoughts the way I wish I could. I cannot control the way I feel at any given moment, I can only try to be honest and live in the moment, no matter how complicated that may be.
Love will make you crazy, it will make you feel hopeless, alone, shattered, betrayed, destroyed. On the other hand, it will also lift you to heights you never realized possible. There’s a catch though… With everything amazing in life, there is an equal downside. Things can only stand the test of time by how they survive the hardships. If everything were easy, life would be boring. There would be nothing worth fighting for, and no reason to get up in the morning.
I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching, and I have figured out that when I find something special, something amazing, a connection that blows my mind, a friendship that I can’t believe I lived without for so long, I hold on to that and cherish it. No matter how fucked up things get, no matter how dramatic life can be – in the end, it’s all worth it. At least to me…
I have so many friends, who mean so much to me. I have been blessed in that respect, and I hold my intense connections dear. I wish everyone would do the same, but without anger, resentment, fear, insecurities. Why would I waste my time worrying about someone else’s connection to someone I love, when I can just spend that time focusing that energy on OUR connection? Spend the time improving on myself, giving myself something to look forward to, something to smile about? My point is, have a little bit of faith in what you have, and stop worrying about what others have, or what you may be missing…
In the long run, the only thing you’ll be missing is your own opportunity to grow and improve. That, my friends, is an EPIC loss and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself for losing it.
On that note – I leave you with a diddy by Lady Gaga. A diddy with a GREAT message.
2007 Disappointments/Acheivements
Subject : Another Year in Review. . .
Posted Date: : Dec 21, 2007 5:55 PM
Once again, I find myself fortunate enough to have survived another fun-filled and action-packed year on this lovely planet. Sticking to my yearly tradition of posting all of my accomplishments and disappointments for the world to see, here is my list for 2007. . .
Things I have done
1. I took a very brave step forward and made a serious decision to become some kind of Doctor. This decision has changed my life in SO many ways. I have seriously mellowed out (party wise) and buckled down on my studies. I have managed to work 1 full time job, go to school both online and in an actual college here in NYC and volunteer with some local hospitals. I am happy to report that I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA and happier than I have ever been. Yay!
2. I decided that being 20 lbs overweight was so detrimental to my health and personality, that I finally got off of my depressed ass (after 5 years) and started to do something about it! I joined Weight Watchers and have learned all about eating right. My new motto is “Eat to LIVE, not LIVE to eat.” To date, I have dropped a whopping 13 lbs on this diet and I have 7-10 more to go! I am happier, more energetic, my personality is back (meaning I am no longer the raging, depressed, overly critical BITCH I once was.
3. I have become obsessive-compulsively neat. This is very new for me, as I have always been a total slob. I realized that an organized, clean environment not only does wonders for my allergies, but really aids in time management and life organization, in general. Now, the trick will be to clue Craig in on this, without screaming at him.
4. Craig & I had a fantastic wedding and took an equally fantastic honeymoon for 15 days! We also got to vacation in Ft lauderdale last month which afforded us the opportunity to see my wonderful grandparents for Thanksgiving.
5. I reunited with the “Delgado” clan and realized that there are a lot of amazing people running around with the same last name as me.
6. I patched things up with a few old friends, namely Amanda (well that was not really a “patch up,” just more of a reunite), Begum and Honey. I have realized that with age, people change, myself included. Good friends, with big hearts mean a lot to me.
7. Mine & Craig’s relationship has certainly grown stronger this past year. While we differ on a lot of things (who doesn’t), at the end of the day I could not think of a better person to fall asleep with at night.
8. I’ve had many moments at work, both good and bad, but overall I had a kickass year, and have been a big part in improving my departments reputation around the firm. That makes me proud.
9. My gorgeous, sweet and awesome nephew, Aiden Chase, entered the world and I was there to witness the birth. That experience changed me in such a HUGE way, that I could never do it justice with words – so I will not even try. My goal for next year? Spend some more time with him and Gina.
10. I survived a serious cancer scare. It shocked the shit out of me and clued me in on how horribly I was treating myself.
Disappointments
1. My father. He fell into an abyss and pretty much ruined his life this year. It sucked. I stopped speaking to him because the stress of it was just too much for me. It may seem a bit selfish to those of you who do not know the whole story, but it was something I needed to do. I love him, if I didnt, this would not be under “disappointments,” but I need to set boundries in my life. This is VERY important to survival and leading a healthy life.
2. My friends. I lost a few friends this year. While I am not disappointed at losing them, per say, I am disappointed about the situation. I did learn something from each break, which is certainly a positive thing, but it still hurt.
3. Fil. A friend of mine, who I really loved, died this year. He was way too young and way too full of life. I miss him.
4. Derby. I did not give this the honest shot I had wanted to. My schedule just would not allow it this year, although my depression and weight played a large part. I do plan on revisiting this next year, with my new found faith and confidence in myself.
5. I did not stick to my promise of staying in touch with the people I love. It is just so hard. I have been getting a bit better, but I should have started sooner. Life is too short and I should have learned this lesson in December of 2000 when one of my childhood best-friends, Veronica Diaz, passed away from cervical cancer. I live with the guilt of cutting her out of my life and having no clue that she passed away until I called her Mother’s house 6 months later and received the news. She did nothing wrong to me, I was just being selfish and stupid and recovering from drug addiction. She reached out to me and I just pushed her away.
6. Money. I did not get any better at managing it. I had planned to budget myself this year, pay off some bills and make the RIGHT choices for myself – just to prove that I could do it. Nope. I just over-spent and screwed things up even worse for myself. This is why I am afraid of money. As soon as its in my hands, it goes right back out.
7. My cousin. We had a falling out. I am a really blunt person and sometimes I say things that are considered mean. I know this and I feel bad about it, but that does not change the fact that I said it. I would say it again, if asked, because I believe in honesty. While I do love her (she was like a sister to me) I just can’t sacrifice my beliefs to make her happy. I can not sit there and lie to her to make her feel better. What kind of “sister” would I be? Que Sara-Sara… Sometimes the best route in life to take is what feels right, no matter the consequence.
8. The relationship between Craig’s band-mates and I. This suffered greatly this past year. It’s a struggle and here is where I should take the high-road and lay the blame where the blame is due – and that is with Craig and NOT with his band. His lead singer is so much like me, it’s insane. Because of this I blame him more than I should. He is actually a great person, with a big heart and I do love him, but I do not treat with respect. I am 100% wrong for that and I know it. However, it is not all my fault, due to details that I will not delve into at the moment. Being that he is just like me, he is just as pig-headed as I am, and 2 pig-headed, blunt, driven, motivated people do not make for a good relationship. It sucks, because his band is such a HUGE part of his life. He is so happy following his dreams and I admire him, all of them, for that. I just wish we could sit down for coffee and talk it out, but it will probably never happen. I just gotta deal and try to keep Craig smiling and out of conflict. That’s my job, and I don’t mind it.
So, in conclusion, I have had an amazing, life-enriching year. I have grown, changed, loved, laughed, cried, fought, danced, made new friends, skated, swam and ran the tires low. You can be nothing but grateful to be blessed like that.
Happy New Year, everyone! Much love to you all! 🙂
dimentra dot com 