My 34-year-old cousin, Adam, passed away on Friday, April 13th. We received phone calls at 3AM, telling us of his untimely demise and the news was received with complete shock and amazement. Granted, he had a tough life and he made his far share of mistakes, but none of us ever thought he would just vanish.
I have been surrounded by death my entire life. Many family members, even more friends and all different kinds of ways. Car accidents, suicide, drug overdoses, cancer, other illnesses. Most of them were unexpected, and all were shocking. It never gets any easier to accept, though. Mourning is a selfish act, in and of itself, but as humans we are inherently selfish. We make everything about ourselves, and oftentimes forget the larger picture.
My family is torn apart right now, I am heartbroken. He was so full of life, generous, gorgeous, smart, sweet, more than fun to hang around with. He had many friends and people in his life who adored him, and rightfully so, he was the life of the every party he attended. The larger picture here though is simple: He was horribly unhappy for a very, very long time and is finally at peace. While I am heartbroken, I see that for what it is and am almost happy for him that he can rest now.
When we were kids, Adam was a terror. He wreaked havoc everywhere we went. He would yell and scream and throw tantrums. He’d behave recklessly, with little regard for his own safety. Even through all of that, and all of the accidents and close brushes with death, he was still such a force. He lost both of his parents at a very young age, and spent quite a bit of time alone. He separated himself from his family for almost 20 years, until I found him again on Facebook in 2007. Since that reunion, he and my older brother, Joey, have become very close. My brother is devastated due to this, and I fear he may never be the same.
The moral is that life is short. I learn this lesson often, and try to live my life in such a way that makes me happy. I don’t ever want to force emotion, control another person, police someone, own someone, live my life with someone I could never trust. What’s the point? Relationships, and love are unpredictable. Life is unpredictable! There is nothing we can do to change anything that happens, things just HAPPEN. People fall in love, fall out of love, die, do stupid things, make mistakes, etc. We cannot change any of it, we can only choose who we spend our time with.
Adam’s death has made me question everything in my life over the last few days. My own happiness, how I live, what I choose and why. My lesson learned from this unfortunate situation is that I need to be happy. I need to follow my heart. I need to keep faith in myself and know that the choices I make are the best possible choices for me, regardless of what unfolds around me in order for said choices to take shape. Life is too short to deny yourself happiness, to be with the people who make your heart stop, make you smile, and fulfill your soul.
You can’t change fate, and the heart will do what it wants – no matter what. Forcing yourself on someone only hurts you. Having to live your life in fear only hurts you. I don’t know about you all, but I know I deserve better than that. I deserve to be loved for who I am, not what someone else wants me to be. My cousin Adam, he also deserved that but never got to see that kind of happiness. I refuse to allow that to happen to me.
Drive it till the wheels fall off, kids, because you never know what awaits you in the next 5 minutes, let alone next month, or next year. I want to smile on my deathbed and know that I did what was right for me. Don’t you?
RIP Adam – you will be forever loved, cherished and remembered.
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