Oh it’s time again, kiddies… Ready?
Now for those of you who are not from the wonderful city of New York, please keep in mind that the 4, 5, E and 6 trains are quite possibly the most CROWDED and busiest trains in the entire subway system. When I say CROWDED, I mean like you can get pregnant from riding the damn train. People are THAT close…
So with that being said, I am on the 5 train, on my way down to Wall Street to meet Craig at the gym. The train is, of course, crowded like Jane Fonda’s ass used to be tight. I squeeze myself onto the train, into the middle and try as hard as I can to reach for a metal bar to hang onto.
I am already out of my mind with New York impatience, and people just won’t budge. You see, what happens is that the space inside the trains right by the door gets overcrowded and STUPID FUCKERS do not understand the concept of moving into the train to increase the “flow” if you will. So, if you get stuck in that space by the door, you have about 50 people angrily pushing you towards the crowded mass of nastiness and that crowded mass refuses to move with you.
I finally work my way through these crazies and make it to the middle. Directly behind me is an asian couple standing dead center in the aisle (pick a DAMN side) and taking up all kinds of space while they make out with very loud, wet and disgusting tounge action in my ear. They are so close that I could feel the heat of their breath on the back of my exposed neck. Directly in front of me is an asian “mentally challenged” older man who is meticulously slicing newspaper with a mini razor blade as the girl sitting next to him recoils in horror.
With no place to move, I keep my mouth shut and decide to wait it out. Hopefully, things will clear out a bit next stop.
::Next Stop::
Things do not clear out at all, as a matter of fact, it gets worse. A very tall Middle Eastern man boards the train and strategically places himself right up against me. My backside is to him, almost like a “standing spoon” if you will. The train takes off and Middle Eastern man decides that maybe it’s time to rub himself up against my badunkadunk (for you non-ghetto people, that is my more than ample ass).
About 30 seconds pass and he does not stop so being that my boiling point had just reached it’s max, I turned around and screamed at him to stop “Dry humping” me on the train and that if he does it again, I would “slice his goddamned throat open in the middle of rush hour”.
Needless to say, he stopped and then quickly ran off of the train at the next stop.
I would have actually grabbed mini razor and sliced his damn throat had he even attempted to do it again.
Moral of the story, you can step on me, push me around, etc – NEVER EVER molest me because I will fucking kill you.
dimentra dot com 